Balancing Work + Your Personal Life + Your Friends & Your New Dog!
Am I the only one failing at this?
Adulting is challenging, simply because a lot of us don't have the tools. I think, for self, one of the hard pills to swallow has been understanding not everyone in your life will agree with your priorities and the things you want/need to do with your time. For example, your Boss will not understand, maybe not agree, to you working from home one day out of the week to add a little more time into you forming your own business. Your best friend will not get why you can't talk to her while spending a weekend catching up with your Boyfriend, who you haven't seen in over a month. Maybe your Boyfriend won't understand why it's essential to be open and honest about everything and to keep you all relationship to yourselves, and your dog will not care about you having to write or wanting to read; he needs a walk.
For the past six months, I felt as if I hit a wall within every area of my life. I was working a very toxic job that required me to be in the office for 10hrs a day, an unhappy close friend who thought our relationship became very one-sided, a guy who didn't feel sexy, or emotionally fulfilled with what I had to offer and an anxious puppy who just wanted walks, food, and my affection. And somehow, I feel I've failed in all areas.
For a while, I felt I'd sucked at balancing my life and found myself always apologizing to those I love, either, for not calling, texting, or scheduling some time to hang out. Which, I can understand why one would have a problem. However, I have a need to spend a significant amount of time alone, by myself, building and refilling myself with love, reassurance, support and all those other great things that one needs to carry on, and not many truly—although, in the past, some have said they—understand.
The truth is, I am changing, and the more I grow up I grow to understand where I ultimately want to be in life, and I need to do to get "there" while doing the best I can to be there for, and a part of, others. Although, at times, I am made to feel as if my best is not good enough. It's just; certain things don't interest me as they once have, like sitting on the phone listening to one gossip or listening to each other breathe for an hour because there's just nothing to talk about.
But I get it, as crazy as it may sound, I get it. The saying, "Heavy is the head that wears the crown." I understand it. Being a self-aware being, I am and have to be, 20x's more understanding to those around me than what they are. Don't ask me how I know this, but this I know. Further, because I am always daydreaming about my future and trying to turn my dreams into reality, I struggle a little with living in the now. I, at times, operate from a place of "what could be" instead of "what is," even when it comes to dating.
The majority of my focus is work; I love working, and I don't mean at my full-time jobs. I can barely hold on to one of those. When I say "work," I mean for myself; WardBody, LLC. There's so much I do that not many will see because I don't share; however, I spend hours upon hours at my desk educating myself. Researching, trying to learn about the filed I want to enter, putting together business plans, working on summaries and philosophies, or learning about what it means to market oneself while still writing and researching for my website—all at the same time—that by the time I am complete, it's time for bed. But, truth is I don't feel bad about spending the time doing those things because this is what I love doing. I'd rather sacrifice so much now to have to spend my entire life working for someone else. I cannot do it.
However, I want to get better with my time and to make myself available to those that are a part of my life, and my journey but in return, I need those in my life or those who want to be a part of my life to be understanding. My potential lover should know that my time is going towards a great cause, which could one day be our future, and shouldn't feel as if I don't find them attractive because I am not an overly sexual being, who wants to "get it in" every other day. (Honestly, once a month and I am okay.) But it isn't all about me!
*Chants balance, balance, balance*
Reaching twenty-seven and being able to unpack this about myself, what I now know is growing up I never witness a moment in my life where I could sigh in relaxation. There was never a moment where I can sit back and say, "Okay, I made it!" or "I don't have to worry now." For as long as I can remember, I've been dedicated to getting better, and getting out because that's all my life has been. I had a late start to life, I feel, due to my upbringing. So, right now at twenty-seven, I am working to make up for lost times. Solving problems and getting out of sticky situations and now knowing that I dream of being on Forbes 30 under 30 list and I have XYZ to take care of, I am devoted, continuously, to "What can I do next? What can I try?." Resulting in time away from loved ones, and at my desk, in my head.
Everything connects, but I've noticed the amount of time at my desk, this is why I bought a dog, to help me get out more. And I will look into to prioritizing a little more.
Do you feel you have a great work/life balance going on? I want to hear from you.